In this section you'll find things that you can say to someone that you are concerned about, especially how to confront them about their eating issues. Dealing with someone who has an eating disorder is not an easy thing to do. It is extremely hard to watch someone as they continue to engage in self-destructive behaviors.
I know that it is awkward to confront someone that you think has an eating problem, but I urge you to do so anyway. Your concern can make a difference, even if the person seems unreceptive. Don't just sit there and do nothing! Too many people let things pass them by because they think it is none of their business. Make it your business to help others! If everyone turns their head then there is no one left to help.
If you need further information or guidance, contact Psychological Counseling Services. They may be able to give you some advice and help you to confront someone. They are included in the list of professional resources that can be accessed though this site.
First, you will want to pick a place to discuss this matter that is confortable for everyone involved. You also want to pick a time in which you can have a lengthy discussion if necessary. Also try to avoid stressful times, such as before an exam. You will need to be prepared, because you may be met with anger and resentment. Often people will feel like their control is being threatened, something that they are trying hard to maintain. This is especially true of people with anorexia because they often deny that they have a problem, where as people with bulimia usually recognize that they have a problem.
Explain that you are concerned and worried about her.
Tell her how you feel about what you think has been going on. Explain that your concern comes because you care, not that you are trying to make things miserable for her.
Explain why you are worried
List specific things that she is doing that have you concerned. Don't just give a generalization of what she is doing. Name specific times her behavior was self-destructive so she cannot discount them as easily.
Don't attack the person, confront the behavior
Say things like "I get upset when you don't eat for two days" instead of "You're crazy for not eating!" Make sure that your concerns aren't being taken as accusations. Explain to her that the things that you have mentioned are making you worried and you are wondering if she is ok.
Don't judge
Don't tell her how ridiculous her logic is when she says how sure she is that eating one muffin will cause her to gain 5 pounds overnight. She really does believe these things and a negative reaction to them might cause her to close up.
Be prepared to hear things that you might not want to hear
If she is taking the defensive, she might say awful things to you in her anger and as she is protecting what is hers (her eating disorder). If she is receptive to your concern, she may tell you things that she has done that are embarassing to her or things that even she knows is disgusting. She may tell you about the time when she had her biggest binge ever or the effect the handfuls of laxatives had on her.
Listen, even if you don't understand.
You probably won't understand everything that the person with the eating disorder is going through, and I am sure that they don't expect you to either. All they probably want is someone to listen to them about their struggle of whether or not to eat the few crackers they are "allowed" that day.
Takes steps to get help for the person.
Let her know that you will be there for her to help her in any way that she needs. Try to convince her to get counseling for her eating disorder, even offer to go with her the first time. In more serious cases, you might want to talk to her parents about what is going on. If you are unsure whether this would be a good step, talk to a counselor yourself explaining the situation and ask them what suggestions they have for you.
Research the topic
Learn a little bit about what she is going though. Try looking at More Info On EDs which has links to websites and books that may be of help to you. There are also some books at TCNJ's library that might be useful. The more you learn about eating disorders, the more you will begin to understand what the person is going through. Remember though, that the mind of an eating disordered person (mostly those with anorexia and bulimia) has its own set of logic that makes it difficult for others to understand. However, being able to understand even somewhat will be helpful when you are talking with a person with an eating disorder because she might be more willing to open up.
Be there for her
The best thing that you can do for someone with an eating disorder is to be there for her. Don't judge her, but just listen to what she had to say. Encourage her to seek help, or if already in treatment to work hard to free herself from her disorder.
Professors can be very influential. Just expressing concern for and interest in your student, simply by asking how things are going, could make a difference. The student may be more willing to open up, but at the least she will know someone cares and recognizes her struggle. If you are concerned about a student, Psychological Couseling Services can help you decide what to do, however, they cannot contact the student. The contact with Psychological Counseling Services must be done by the student, however, professors can assist the student by calling with the student from their office.