SUMMARY OF PARTICPANTS’ COMMENTS
I. What are the qualities of healthy romantic relationships?
Sex and passion
Physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual
Good love is best part of a healthy relationship
Love
Being faithful
Both people are on the same page and expect the same things
Being in one relationship at a time
Being emotionally involved with one person while also being able to have social friends
Commitment
Sticking with it, putting time into the relationship
Making sacrifices e.g., giving up other partners
Long lasting
Respect
Respecting the beliefs of the other person for e.g., about premarital sex
Asking permission to go and say hi to an old girlfriend
Respecting your partner’s parents
Boyfriend and father of your child respect each other
Sex Appeal
Attraction
Chemistry
Honesty
Not holding the truth back even if you know it might be hurtful
Being truthful
Honesty and courage is trust
Makes relationship more secure
Happy
Talking just the two of you
Optimistic
Communication
Spending a few minutes together everyday
Being non-judgmental and listening without finding fault
Asking another person to clarify what they mean
Dealing with problems as they arise
Knowing how the other person feels
Comfort and willing to talk about sex
Being able to talk and listen
Staying open during conflicts
Understanding how other person thinks and feels
Giving good feedback to your partner and not crossing signals
Good conversations
Forgiveness
Being able to compromise; being able to meet in the middle
Trust
Not fearing the person; and being able to share interests;
Not hurting someone
Believing what they say
Sharing personal information
Sharing freely
Won’t take your emotions for granted
When give other person freedom to do what they want, have to trust them so you don’t feel insecure
Trusting other person with your emotions
Needed before you engage in physical intimacy
Kindness
Openness
Not hiding your feelings and feeling you can be who you are
Accepting each other and each other’s family circumstances (eg blended families)
Dependable
Can count on the other person as friend and a romantic partner
Being there during a bad time
Good person
Having a good job, good education and being responsible
Compatible
Same motivations
Good chemistry
Shared rituals
Date nights even if you are married
Saying good morning, good night and good bye everyday
Kiss before a meal and foot rub
Balance
Being able to do things together but still be individuals
Recognizing each others strengths and weaknesses
Good hygiene
Companionship
Knowing each other’s likes and dislikes
Being best of friends
II. What are the barriers to healthy romantic relationships?
Lack of time
Not enough priority time for the relationship
Not creating shared time together
Work- not enough time together because you are working too much
Not sharing ideas or time
School
Computers
Loss of love
Love becomes an obligation
Too much work
Lack of attraction
Making sacrifices for each other like giving up other partners
Dishonesty
Lack of trust and telling lies
Being dishonest
Outside influences
Friends hurting the relationship
Gossip e.g., when people who are not in the relationship try to get in it
Parents don’t want children in relationships because of their age (too young) or partner’s race
Parents are judgmental about whether the other person is worthy of you
Parents want to know your business
Church – partner gets mad because don’t want to go to church
Peer pressure – getting into a relationship even though you don’t want to
Makes your partner feel insecure and affects your independence
Makes you resent the people who disapprove of you which makes you start doing things they disapprove of
Rumors
Needing to be popular
Pressure to get married – societal expectations
Lack of communication
Not saying what you feel
Non-shared assumptions e.g., when someone is expected home
Misinterpreting actions and responses
Keeping secrets
He says/she says
Arguments
Not dealing with your own issues
Imbalance
Attraction - One is more into the relationship than the other
One person getting serious too soon
Not having your own identity
Lack of compromise
Being inflexible; being selfish
Love is one-sided
Infidelity
Straying away
Cheating
Jump-offs
Sex
Pressure to have sex – from your group
Pregnancy
Pressure to not use birth control
Jealousy
Hard to let the partner have freedom without being jealous
Partner’s jealousy can make you angry and lead to arguments
Envy of other person’s grades or money
Feeling trapped by other person’s jealousy and anger
Constantly asking questions
Fear
Of being hurt (from past relationships or family; from being open)
Of giving too much and not being accepted
Not able to trust
Worry about children from other relationships
Not wanting to tell your man he has to clean up because you don’t want to be seen like his mother
Weight
If you are too big you don’t get to go out
Abuse
Put-downs- telling someone you are stupid
Feeling you depend on someone too much
Hitting you, getting beat up
Being stalked
Partner being controlling – telling you what to do and how to do it
Finances
Partner takes your money
Not enough money to do things that are enjoyable
Different ideas about how to spend money
Not having enough money to live together
Partner too dependent on you for money
Partner not contributing
When only one of you have a car
Lack of employment
Medical hardship
Lack of respect
Addictions
Drugs and alcohol
Gambling – stress finances and communication
Difference
Values about relationships, religion and money
Being at different maturity levels
Not standing up for yourself – being a pushover, giving in all the time
Allowing yourself to be pressured
Different needs for time alone and together
Not having good models of healthy relationships
Media influences expectations – expecting a knight in shining armor or a serial killer
Seeing so many people in bad relationships
Not knowing what you want from a good relationship
III. What can we do to support and promote healthy relationships?
School
Groups for students of all ages, encouraging friendship, citizenship and hospitality
Create a healthy relationship class in high school for credit
After-school programs on healthy relationships
More comprehensive sex education including how to unpack popular culture myths about sex, getting people comfortable to talk about sex, all methods of safe sex and involve parents in this
Assemblies and school summits
Peer group leaders doing groups on healthy relationships
Mediation by students for problem relationships
Counseling
As a means for prevention
Make it available at work/school as a part of daily living
Relationship coaching
Church
Premarital ministries and counseling
Advertising
Billboards
Pamphlets
Advertising that promotes peer involvement – peers can pass out flyers themselves
Not just sex – respect!
Movie theatres to run short clips about healthy relationships before the show
Public service announcements
Media
Peer produced radio programs (adult ideas uncool)
Portray different world views of relationships
Alternating gender roles
TV programs that show relationship problems worked out in a respectful and loving way
Websites on healthy relationships
Creating a healthy relationships board game
Media tech students at TCHS to create videos of healthy relationships with adult supervision
Chat room on healthy relationships
Teen created raps on healthy relationships
Hotline for relationship problems and advice
Community bulletin boards
Social events
Parties to get out information on healthy relationships
Free cultural events that demonstrate healthy relationships e.g., plays, movies, concerts
Social events like skating
Blood drive or other community service for couples to do together
Seek advice
From friends and family
College mentors
Mentor/buddy system to talk about romantic relationships, sex, emotional issues to inspire healthy relationships
Support groups
For women - Respecting yourself, your body, sharing your feelings
Mixed for men and women to improve communication
Parent-teen workshops to improve communication
Parent workshops teaching them to understand youth today
Workshops on ageism; gender roles
Relationship retreat aimed at improving relationships – should include discussion, experts in the field, workshops and social activities
Support group on creative ways to deal with break-ups or relationship loss
Learning to balance your own needs with your partners
Healthy couple activities
Regular “night-out”
National take your partner to lunch/dinner day
Public awards rewarding successful relationships
Improving what we know about healthy relationships
Community forums like this one in other communities
Survey teens and adults about how to have healthy relationships
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