You can do it in one day.”
Barry the Salesman


  • I decide to put new flooring in my kitchen and breakfast area: 60 seconds
  • Research flooring on Internet. All sites say how easy it is: 1 hour

DAYS 2-3

  • Visit various stores to select flooring: 2 days
  • Order and pay for flooring: 5 minutes.
  • Get a “One-day” estimate from Barry the salesman on installation time required: 20 seconds

DAYS 4-16

  • Wait for flooring to arrive at store: 2 weeks

DAY 17

  • Pick up flooring and bring home: 2 hours
  • Unload flooring and stack in living room: 20 minutes
  • Unpack flooring and lay it out to adjust to room temperature: 30 minutes

DAYS 18-62

  • Wait until I have some vacation days to install flooring: 45 days.

DAY 63

  • Realize that I have to remove refrigerator and gas stove: 20 seconds
  • Search for adjustable wrench to fit gas line: 10 minutes
  • Search for second adjustable wrench to use with gas connection: 5 minutes
  • Disconnect stove and refrigerator: 15 minutes
  • Get hand truck from garage to move appliances: 5 minutes
  • Discover flat tire on hand truck: 1 minute
  • Take hand truck to tire repair center and wait for it to be fixed: 45 minutes
  • Shop for a new hand truck because old one couldn't be fixed: 1.5 hours
  • Move stove and refrigerator to family room: 30 minutes.
  • Remove table, chairs and other furniture: 20 minutes
  • Remove old toe-rail molding: 15 minutes.
  • Remove old wall base from under counters and cabinets: 15 minutes
  • Realize I need new wall base: 30 seconds
  • Notice that baseboard and walls need painting before doing floor: 15 seconds
  • Search for new paint to match existing paint: 1 hour.
  • Paint wall, baseboard and window trim: half day
  • Cleanup from painting: 30 minutes

DAY 64

  • Remove old transition strip between carpet and flooring: 5 minutes
  • Decide I need new transition strip: 1 minute
  • Notice that I need to vacuum and wash existing floor: 1 minute
  • Vacuum and wash existing floor: 20 minutes
  • Cut and put down foam underlay for new flooring: 45 minutes
  • Cut and put down the new flooring: 1 day (Barry was right!)

DAY 65

  • Drive to Lowe's for new toe-rail molding, floor base and transition strip: 1 hour.
  • Measure and cut toe-rail: 20 minutes
  • Make serious error in measuring and cutting toe-rail: 1 minute
  • Drive back to Lowe's and buy more toe-rail: 1 hour.
  • Cut and paint all toe-rail molding: 1 hour
  • Cleanup from painting: 15 minutes
  • Vacuum up sawdust: 5 minutes
  • Realize I need plumbing thread sealer for gas line: 1 minute
  • Drive to Lowe's to get plumbing thread sealer: 1 hour
  • Reinstall stove: 15 minutes
  • Discover the new transition strip is not long enough: 30 seconds.
  • Back to Lowe's for longer strip and return short one: 1 hour
  • Find that new floor base strip is too wide: 1 minute
  • Cut all floor base to right width: 30 minutes
  • Scrape and clean surface where floor base attaches: 20 minutes
  • Trim, cut to fit, and install floor base: 45 minutes
  • Paint second coat on all toe-rail molding: 30 minutes
  • Cleanup from painting: 15 minutes

DAY 66

  • Decide to paint metal floor registers to match new floor: 1 minute
  • Use steel brush on floor registers to prepare them for painting: 15 minutes
  • Back to Lowe's to find paint for registers: 1 hour
  • Paint registers: 10 minutes
  • Wait one hour for paint to dry and paint second coat: 10 minutes
  • Install toe-rail with finishing nails: 30 minutes
  • Split a piece of toe-rail because I didn't pre-drill holes: 3 seconds
  • Go to Home Depot for scrap piece of toe-rail: 40 minutes
  • Cut and paint new section of toe-rail: 10 minutes
  • Wait one hour for paint to dry and repaint: 5 minutes
  • Clean paintbrush: 5 minutes
  • Install new piece of toe-rail after paint dries: 5 minutes
  • Use nail punch to set all toe-rail nails: 15 minutes
  • Fill all nail set holes with spackling: 10 minutes
  • Touch-up all nail holes with paint after spackle dried: 10 minutes
  • Clean up after painting: 10 minutes
  • Move refrigerator back into kitchen using hand truck: 10 minutes
  • Refrigerator no longer fit under cabinet because floor is higher.
  • Empty refrigerator, lay it on its back, remove rollers from bottom: 20 min.
  • Refrigerator still too tall. Empty wall cabinet and remove from wall: 30 min.
  • Position refrigerator and reinstall cabinets higher: 20 minutes
  • Restock refrigerator and cabinets: 15 minutes
  • Put away all tools: 15 minutes.
  • Vacuum kitchen and family room: 10 minutes
  • Clean up basement workshop of all sawdust from cutting flooring: 1 hour
  • Soak sore knees and back muscles in hot tub after being on the floor for several days: 40 minutes.

DAY 67

  • Admire work: 5 minutes
  • Realize dishwasher can never be removed without removing flooring or counter top: 1 minute
  • Go find Barry and kill him: Life