You think you know, but you have no idea.  This is the diary of Bobby Ingram.

Macaroni Grill

A green Oldsmobile Intrigue screams across the pavement faster than a dolphin in a speedo.  A beautiful voice sings along to a CD as the car veers into a church parking lot.

BOBBY: HIS BED IS ON FIRE WITH PASSIONATE LOVE!  THE NEIGHBORS COMPLAIN ABOUT THE NOISES ABOVE!  BUT SHE ONLY CO-

With a gentle application of brake the Intrigue screeches to a halt.

Pammmm: Heyyyyy Bobbyyyyyy!!!

Dave: Hey guys, guess what?  My mommy let me take the car!  I'm a big boy!

Don Earl: Well I reckon yall's are a sight for sore eyes.

BOBBY: THAT'S RIGHT, THE ONE THE ONLY, THE BOBBY IS HERE!!!

ALL: YAAAAY!!!  WE LOVE BOBBY!!!  HE'S SO AWESOME AND UBER SEXY!!!

Ruth: Hello, I also have arrived.

Dave: Sometimes my parents let me stay up until 10:30 at night!

Don Earl: Well Golly, I reckon Bobby done felled through that ther sunroof.

Pammmm: Whyyyyy isssss Noahhhhhh stilll innnnn hisssss carrrr?

BOBBY: NOAH, COME AND BASK IN MY UNENDING GLORY WITH THE OTHERS.

Noah: Ye I say unto thee verily.

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BOBBY: RIIIIIIIGHT.

Ruth: So where should we go to eat?

Dave: Sometimes my mommy makes me chicken nuggets.

Noah: Wouldst thou wish to feast upon the leg of a humble ovine?

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Pammmm: Theeee Macaroniiii Grillll letssss youuuuu colorrrrrr onnnnn theeeee tableeeee.

BOBBY: WE ARE SO THERE IT HURTS.

The group is seated at a small table.  Bobby busily works on a drawing which makes the Mona Lisa look like the drawings of a four year old.  In a car.  That is offroading.  And the kid has Downs.

Miss Waitress Lady: May I take your orders for tonight?

Noah: Oh for the Gods hath captured all the stars in the sky and placed them in thine shimmering eyes!

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Ruth: I would like the pasta please.

Pammmm: Pastaaaaa forrrrr meeeeeeee tooooooooooooooooooooo.

Don Earl: Do yous serve possum?  I likes me some possum.

Miss Waitress Lady: Um...

BOBBY: SHE'S FROM THE SOUTH.

Miss Waitress Lady: Oh.  I get it.

Dave (holding up 9 fingers): I'm this many.

Miss Waitress Lady: Riiiiiiiight.

BOBBY: YES, MAY I PLEASE HAVE THE FINE YOUNG LADS UNDER THE AGE OF 21 MENU?

Miss Waitress Lady: Sure thing you magnificent man.  Hey, that drawing makes the Mona Lisa look like it were drawn by a kid with Downs, in a jeep trekking through the jungle.

BOBBY: YES, I AM PHENOMENALLY TALENTED.

Pammmm: Heyyyyy guysssss, wheresssss myyyyyyyy sodaaaaaaaaa?

Ruth: It's to the right of your plate.

Pammmm: Nooooooo, thatssssss justt myyyyyy napkinnnnnnnnm

Ruth: That's the left side of your plate.

Pammmm: Ohhhhhhhhhhh.  Waittttt, whichhhhhh sidessssss the righttttt againnnnn?

Don Earl: Hey Bobby, lookie what I doned.  I wroted your name on this here table cover, and said yous were smelly.  I'm funny.

BOBBY: MA'AM I RESPECT YOUR JEST, AND LAUGH HEARTILY.  I FIND IT ADMIRABLE THAT ONE OF SUCH MENTAL DEFICIENCIES DARES TO ATTEMPT HUMOR.  BRAVO LITTLE SOUTHERNER, BRAVO.

Dave: I know how to spell my name.

The group has completed their meal, and walk merrily toward their cars.

Ruth: Bobby, would you be so kind as to drive these hooligans home for me?

BOBBY: OF COURSE I WILL, I AM ALWAYS WILLING TO GO OUT OF MY WAY FOR OTHERS.

Ruth: Thank you Bobby, you are truly a selfless and kind human being.

BOBBY: SO TRUE, SO TRUE.

Dave: The car goes VROOM! VROOM!

Pammmm: Don'tttttt worryyyyy, IIIIII cannnnnn navigateeeeeeeee usssssssss homeeeeeee.  Makeeeee aaaaaaa lefttttt attttttt theeeeeee lighttttttt.

BOBBY: UM PAM, I A NOT ONE TO INSULT ANOTHER PERSON, BUT YOU ARE POINTING TO THE RIGHT.

Noah: He doth speak the truth.  Verily.

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Don Earl: Jelloooooooo!!!!

Dave: My mommy makes me cherry jell-owwww!  Don Earl hit me.

BOBBY: DO I HAVE TO TURN THIS CAR AROUND?  MAN, THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH THESE WATCH FOLK, NO SELF-CONTROL.

Pammmm: Hollaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

BOBBY: EVERYBODY LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND SEE ANOTHER SITE OF GREAT INTEREST THAT ALSO PERTAINS TO A PRIOR PERIOD OF MY LIFE.

All: Oooooooohhh, Aaaaahhh.

Don Earl: I wants to get me some Iiice crame.

Dave: My favorite ice cream is vanilla.  Sometimes mommy lets me have two scoops.

BOBBY: WHY LOOK, A PACK OF LOCAL YOUTHS ALSO WISHES TO PURCHASE FROZEN DELIGHTS.  LET US OBSERVE THESE YOUTHS IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT.

Pammm: Weeeeee areeeeee havingggggg suchhhhh aaaaaa wonderfulllllll timeeeeeeee.  Thissssss issssss theeeeee besttttttt kidnappinggggg everrrrr.

Dave: When I am older I want to be a fireman.

Noah: How now brown cow?

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BOBBY: WELL CREW, AS I SIP THIS DELIGHTFUL SLURPEE I MUST REVEL IN THE JOCULARITY AND JOVIALITY CAUSED BY OUR PRETENDING TO LEAVE PEOPLE AT VARIOUS PLACES TONIGHT.  WE HAVE HAD A BLAST.

Pammmm: Thisssssss hassssss beennnnnnn theeeeeeeee mostttttttt awesomestttttt nightttttt everrrrrrr.  Bobbyyyyyy, youuuuuuu areeeeee theeeeee kingggggg offfffff coolllllll.

Don Earl: And you know how to use all them fancy book learnin words.

Dave: Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all.

Noah: Thou art a noble man good sir.

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VOICE OVER: And the crew drove off into the night, each to their respective homes.  Except for Bobby.  He went and fought ninjas and shit and totally saved the whole world. Oh, and Camp Sac people are the awesomest kind of people.