NO - Never resort to being the black guy, it's suicide.  If your group decides you will be the black guy, find a new group.

NO - The blonde girl is no black guy, but this is still a poor choice.  Also avoid the phone, it will only result in you discovering the call to be coming from inside the house.

YES - If at all possible be the cute, but unassuming brunette.  This is always a sound decision.

NO - When in a life and death situations, it is essential that you dress in as sexy an outfit as possible.  Remember, you're one of the beautiful people, and this may be the last outfit you ever wear.

BETTER - While this outfit does not qualify as "sexy" there's definite effort.  As a bonus, if you're wearing this you're likely the weird friend, which means you're probably the one killing everyone.  Make a clean getaway with American Airways.

YES - Dangerous shit is going down.  Extra clothing will only slow you down.  If possible wear clothing which can easily be discarded dramatically while in the clutch of your attacker.

These people are violating one of the fundamental survival rules.  If you are being terrorized by a large man eating shark, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE WATER.

A much safer decision is setting your camera up on the beach.

And using a zoom lens to capture sunbathing celebrities.  Sell the photos for profit.

Unfortunately, not all death-machines are so easy to avoid.  Not to worry, AA has your back.
 

You may find yourself being attacked not by a shark at all, but rather an athletics-loving gardener, or even the re-animated corpse of a time-traveling scientist.  Don't fret about it, even these have their weaknesses.

Even the snazziest dressing zombie can be stopped by the zombie's mortal enemy, the chain-link fence.  If you are sure to have plenty of fencing around, you will never have to fear zombies.

As for psychotic serial-killers, they are fond of populating areas where it is always dark, gloomy and raining.  Avoid the state of Washington at all costs if being attacked by a serial-killer.  Actually, avoiding Washington is just generally good advice.

Puppies are small, cuddly and by all accounts, freaking adorable.

You on the other hand are large by comparison, and possibly rather cold.

The doggie door is not meant for you.  You're just going to get stuck and make the killer's job that much easier.

Hazards like holes, rocks and roots will lead to your tripping at the most inopportune times.  Avoid areas like the above pictured which feature all three and only sparse grass patches.

If there is somebody trying to kill you and your friends, please don't go to prom like nothing out of the ordinary is afoot.  It's really fucking hard to run in stilettos.

When being chased, resist the urge to head off into the forest.  It is filled not only with holes, roots and rocks, but also tree branches which will catch on your clothing, slowing you down.

It may well be that despite your best efforts, you find yourself in a showdown with the killer, and what's worse the asshole ripped apart your wrought-iron fence.

Remember that axe from before?  Well, if it hasn't been imbedded in your face, now would be a good time to use it.  If it has, go see a doctor.  A better option, if available, is to use a gun.  While the katana is also a solid choice, we here at AA suggest you avoid it if you are not a ninja.  They hate when people mess with their things.

When attacking the killer, aim for the head.  Whether you're against zombies or just a plain old psycho, you can be sure they can take 30-40 bullets to the body in stride.

Now that you've killed your foe, he is dead for good.  Throw a party.

We know he's probably been rude and climbed out of the nice grave you've dug for him in the past, but we're pretty sure this time he's done.

And we're positive astronaut scientists definitely will not reanimate him and give him a snazzy new cybernetic body.