Those of you who know me know that I am a simple, handsome, unassuming guy.  It is because of these things it came as such a shock to the world (you may remember anchors cutting into the scheduled programming, including the finale of Friends) when I was nearly the victim of a heinous assassination attempt, brought forth by a radical sect of Devil worshippers over a piece written for this very site.  Fortunately, good has come of this event, in the form of a major motion picture about me titled 'Bobby', which will be coming to theaters later this year.

Now, having a major motion picture biopic created about you is not without its benefits; just this week I was granted a day on set to meet the cast and get some BIIP exclusive interviews, and I'll tell you what, this was a good day.

I arrived on set during lunch and headed to my first interview with none other than Anthony Hopkins, who would be playing me in the film.
 

	Good evening Mr. Hopkins, it's great to finally meet you.
	It's great to be here.
	Before we get started, I just want your word you're not going to try to, you know, eat me or anything.
	*Laughing* No, of course not.
	Why are you laughing, I'm serious.  I saw what you did to that man, making him eat his own brains.  That's kind of fucked up.
	Well that was just a movie, I was-
	Look, just because you film something doesn't make it legal.  Did I get off after beating that woman to death with her own baby?  No.  Did I film it?  Of course.  I rest my case.
	No, you seem to be missing my point, I'm just trying to say...wait, did that really happen?
	Anthony please, you're getting off topic here.  How much of an honor was it to play me in this role?
	Well to be honest, I didn't even know who you were before reading the script.
	*Laughing* No, seriously.
	I am being serious, I just hadn't heard of you.
I decided I needed to take a quick break, and went outside.  I returned ten minutes later to finish the interview.
	Okay, let's continue.
	Gladly.  Well, as I was saying, I...were...were you crying?
	What?  No.  I was, it was, there was wind, and when there's wind my eyes begin to, you know they start to, uh, to water, and it looks like, like, man, shut up.  Alright?  Stop being such a jerk, you big...jerk.
	Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.  I would like it if you stopped calling me a jerk though.
	Well, I'd like it if you stopped being such a jerk.
	You know what?  I think this interview is over.
	Listen, I'll tell you when this interview is over.
	Oh, is that so?  You think you have the ri-
	This interview is OVER!  I will not be spoken down to.

Suddenly, to my surprise (and delight!) we were joined by a special guest, none other than Hip-Hop artist Mos Def who would be playing the role of my friend Corey in the film.
 

Hey man, its great to finally meet you.     Yeah, yeah boi, this be madd straight up ill yo, diggity.

Corey

	Is he for real?
	I...I don't know...I don't think he's right in the-
	Dude I am madd real fo' shizzle ma-nizzle, right Stu?
	Yo dis cat be straight ballin'.  He's cool as the other side of the pillow in an ice heezie, fo' shizzle.
	Fo' shizzle.  Madd fo' shizzle.
	Look do you have anything to ask me or not?  'Cause I'm starting to get a little upset.
	Whoa, easy there dawg...I don't want you bustin' no caps with yo nine in my cracka ass, ya know what I'm sayin?  That'd be madd shitty yo.
	This is ridiculous.  You're just plain ignorant man, I'm leaving.
	Off to go get some madd fine bitches?  Right?  Right?  You know what I'm sayin' right my ni-

I came to and looked at my watch.  I had been out for fifteen minutes.  Crazy celebrities and their newbie hazing.

Picking myself up I went off in search of more celebrities to interview, and in a turn of good fate I saw Elijah Wood and Lindsay Lohan head into a room down the hall and hurried after.  As I opened the door I found the two tangled up and rather red-faced, they hadn't entered a room at all, but rather a small closet.  Obviously they had gotten intertwined trying to exit the cramped confines, as they were all OVER each other.

	Hey guys what's up?  So, took a wrong turn I see, eh?
	Yeah, we were uh...what you said.
	Hey, you don't look so good.  Maybe you should see a doctor or something.  I mean, really, it would be good to have that looked at cause it...it just can't be healthy.
	Yeah, I'm going to go do that, and Lindsay you can stay and deal with this guy.
	Listen to you, pretending you don't know who I am, you actors are CRAZY!
	Pretending.  Right.  So...I'll just me going then.  Nice meating you.
Elijah tried to stride past me, out of the closet.
	Nuh-uh, you think I'm gonna let you get away with that?
	Away with what?
	You said meating instead of meeting.  Meating isn't even a word silly.
	What?  I said meeting, you can't assign a spelling to how I said a word.
	Oh yeah, see this lady behind me?  She's my official stenographer.  Let's just go to the record.  Misty?
	Meating.  With an M-E-A.
	Told you.
	Who has their own stenographer?  That's retarded.
	You're retarded, BURN!
	Alright, I'll say this plainly.  If you don't let me out of here, there's gonna be another body at the morgue.
	You're that sick?
	Sure.  We'll go with that being what I meant.
Elijah left in search of medical aid, knocking me down in his rush to find help, and I was left with Lindsay to interview.  Crazy hobbits and their oversized feet.  As I picked myself up I heard Lindsay slide out of the closet behind me.  I turned and she was several paces down the hall...impressively quick for a woman.
	Oh, so you want to have the interview somewhere else?
	*Sighing* Yeah.
We found our way back to the room I interviewed that Cannibal guy in and settled down for the interview of a lifetime.
	So, what is it like to play the role of fiancé to the famous Bobby Ingram?
	Well, it was a fun role.  It was kinda creepy kissing Anthony though, he's like super old, you know?
	If I were a girl, I'd be afraid to kiss him because he might bite your tongue.
	Hehe, like I don't know.  I guess.  I just, like do what they want, and they give me money.
	Yeah money's good.
	And then I can like buy all kinds of pretty things, you know?  It's like, totally awesome.
	Yeah.  Things.  Buy.  Store.
	Oh my god, and then I can like totally just party all night with my girl Paris and her little doggy!
	Oh, totally.  Paris.  Eiffel Tower.  Croissants and shit.  Awesome.
	Are you even listening to me?
	Huh...oh yeah, of course.
	Oh, like, awesome.
	You know, I should point out for the readers that we never dated.
	Of course not silly.
	You're just playing the role of my fiancé, Dark Angel's Jessica Alba.
	Yeah, like totally, I mean it's fun, cause she's like so...you know what?  You're an asshole.
Without warning, Lindsay jumped out of her seat and ran from the room.  She must have been sick.
	BYE!  THANKS FOR THE INTERVIEW!
	FUCK.  OFF.

And with that, my delightful day on the set of 'Bobby' came to an end.  All in all, it was a fantastic day, talking about a fantastic film, about a fantastic guy.

I give this film 10 out of 10, for fantastic content!