start me up!

Ah, to be the interviewer!

The following conversation between myself and a friend whose name is changed to protect the innocent, took place recently. It was about interviewing. I'd almost forgotten what a wonderland of anecdotes the task of conducting interviews can be!

JS: I always tell people who come into our office ... take nearly any job that will pay you something reasonable. It's always easier to find work if you're already working. I don't know why that works, but it always does.
RG: well, yeah. you're right of course.
RG: they think yer some sort of pariah if yer not working.
RG: or maybe they like the feeling of stealing you away from someone.
JS: Could be both.
RG: could be. i've often wondered about that.
RG: do you hire people?
RG: i mean, you, personally.
JS: Not anymore ... I used to do that, but not for a long time. But I still get calls from people ... "so-and-so gave me your name ... "
RG: well, what was it like for you? were you more comfortable with a candidate who was working?
JS: I think so. I can honestly say that many of the ones who weren't working were usually weird or it was apparent why they weren't. Occasionally I'd find someone who I wondered why they hadn't been snapped up. I can think of three off-hand in that situation that I hired who are still working and have worked out well.
JS: Had a guy interview with me one time for a job in our computer group ... he wanted to be a writer ... told me he even had his idea and title for his book already picked out ...
RG: i have met some weird ones too, in networking. that's why i don't completely trust networking as an option for the unemployed. too many losers.
JS: "Bistro for Zombies."
RG: what the hell...?
JS: I about dropped my teeth.
JS: I didn't hire him.
RG: that was the guy's title?
RG: and he just HAD to tell you that?
JS: Yep. And the idea behind the book.
RG: and he did it with a straight face?
JS: Then there was Herman Zilman ... he wore headphones during the interiew. It helped keep the other voices from interfering.
JS: The other guy's name was Roger Mingus.
JS: I remember the weirdos by name.
RG: holy crap. can i take part of this transcript and blog it? (changing the names, of course...)
JS: LOL - no names or locations, ok?
RG: not a one.
JS: I can't afford to be sued.
RG: not a chance.
RG: but the anecdotes are too funny.
JS: Oh, I could write my own book!
RG: wonder if i can change the book's title and come out with something just as twisted...
JS: One lady asked if she could knit while we interviewed.
RG: christmas crap. "Bistro for Zombies." LOL
RG: you know what this reminds me of?
JS: What?
RG: those court shows. where a witness gets on the stand and he's so stupid, they just let him talk and he spills everything.
RG: anyway, if you ever see on PBS, or read john mortimer's "rumpole of the bailey," you will get a lot of this.
RG: see, rumpole is a barrister.
RG: and he gets involved in only criminal cases. on the defense.
RG: his rule is never to let his clients sit on the witness stand.
RG: because they will inevitably say something stupid.
JS: That's a given. lol
RG: he doesn't even want them to tell HIM if they are guilty. LOL
RG: it would affect his defense. LOL
JS: Ah.
RG: the late leo mckern [pictured above] played that role on TV. you would've loved it.
JS: Ohhhhh ... I got a good one for you.
JS: We hired this guy who was in the National Guard or reserves or something.
RG: those make popular hires!
JS: He came to work and worked a couple of weeks, and the military offered him a full-time position.
RG: the regulars?
JS: He asked if he could take a leave of absence for a few months to try out this other job to see if he liked it and if he didn't, he could come back.
RG: oh yeah.
RG: LOL
JS: I was like, "Ummmmm, no."
JS: He liked the job we hired him for, but the other one paid more.
RG: i just DID something like that. i feel like an idiot.
RG: see, there was a start-up.
RG: they wanted me as a kind of assistant manager.
RG: and their interest came in about two weeks after i started at the high school.
RG: plus, they were only able to pay about $30K and had longer hours. you know how start-ups are.
JS: Yeah.
RG: so i had to turn them down. this was basically my wife's orders. LOL
RG: this was about five months ago.
RG: so i wrote them later and told them after giving high school teaching a serious look, i'd decided i "like their kind of life and way of doing business better." so would they please give me a look?
RG: well, they haven't written back.
RG: i knew that would happen.
JS: Just keep irons in the fire.
RG: i do, but for some reason they keep poking me in the ass. what are they, branding irons?
JS: LOL - maybe you should apply to a dude ranch?
JS: "Have branding iron experience - see my a** for a reference."
RG: i wish i had had a chance to be in on interviews.
RG: that sounds like so much fun!
RG: i did help interview a guy once.
RG: i didn't like the guy. he gave no helpful answers to questions. we couldn't even really get us to tell him anything he knew.
JS: You know - it's fun for awhile, but then it's like, "Oh God, not another day of talking with people."
RG: but... my outfit had an opening, so they were gonna hire him unless he had, like, oozing pustules or something.
JS: And the worst was when you got someone who stunk.
JS: Blech.
RG: they did hire him.
RG: and he wasn't any good.
JS: Figures.
RG: but they couldn't get rid of him.
RG: ultimately, a gal in the building started cheating on her husband with him.
RG: i knew it was going on, so i went to my manager with the old "hostile atmosphere in the workplace" argument.
RG: and they denied anything was going on, so *i* got in trouble for it.
RG: well, i got a sense of humor still. and i got a blog for sounding off.
RG: maybe i'll be like thomas paine and write this generation's "common sense." or something.
JS: You'll be famous!
RG: i'd be happy to pay the bills.
RG: but at least my branded ass would be epic. LOL

Labels: office space

posted by Ron @ 8:46 PM