start me up!

Embrace Change!

Embrace change -- because he loves you so very, very much. :-) :-) :-)

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 11:03 PM 0 comments

LI Philly/Central NJ Networking Event, F 08.22, Morrisville, PA

The LinkedIn Philly/Central NJ Networking Event will be held on Friday, 08.22, starting at 6:30 PM, at Concerto Fusion, a fine sushi/Chinese restaurant at 2 South Delmorr Ave. in Morrisville, PA, just across the "Makes Bridge" from Trenton, and jazz and top-40 music will be provided by DJ Fatha Ramzee. There will be door prizes, and (maybe) a round or two of "speed-friending." The cost will be $45/person -- a bargain!

Plan on bringing your business cards and other paraphernalia to trade, but don't plan on much time for selling anything other than your winning personality. :-) :-) :-)

Here's the menu:

• SUSHI -- choose from volcano roll, asparagus roll, dragon deluxe roll, eel roll, yellowtail guacamole roll
• APPETIZER -- choose from spring roll, crab Rangoon, satay chicken on a stick
• MAIN COURSE -- choose from mango chicken, Thai salsa beef, and Bangkok basil shrimp

The restaurant will provide soda and iced tea; there's also a cash bar. Here's a map and directions.

You can send me a check (156 Durand Ave, Trenton, NJ 08611) to pay for your seat, or you can use Paypal, below.

Labels: diversions, internet

posted by Ron @ 7:25 PM 0 comments

Triple-feature and strawberry warlocks!

A lover of movies like me (some rightly say I am addicted) will be naturally attracted to New Jersey's only remaining drive-in, in Delsea. So about five weeks ago, my daughter and I made the hour's drive to the place for a triple-feature of Iron Man, Indiana Jones 4, and Penelope.

Last time I saw a drive-in movie, they might well still have been showing trailers for a Russ Meyer exploitation film. LOL This place has the same look and feel: the bumpy dirt parking lot, the (apparently) small concession stand, the docking stations for speakers you'd mount in your car window. But the days of speakers are long past, as probably they are too easy to break off the docking stations. Nowadays a drive-in theatre would come with its own FM radio station, broadcasting the sound for the movie with the approximate coverage range of a walkie-talkie. So if you don't park close enough to the screen for Iron Man to reach you with a chirp, you will pick up interference from a more serious Christian radio station 25 miles away.

That's it for the complaints.

You can watch two movies, sometimes three, for $8/ticket. And as is the case for indoor theaters, these guys make their money from concessions, not tickets, so they don't want you bringing in food from outside -- unless you pay for the privilege, at $7 per carload. If you bring four people in your car, that can be economical. BUT... it must be said that their concession stand is a highlight. It isn't just popcorn and soda. They offer, among other things, pierogies (potato filled) with sour cream, stir-fried asparagus (!!!), and chocolate-covered strawberries -- the one here being compared in length to my daughter's index finger. Hence the term "warlock," which she applied as a nod to the movie Superbad.

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 6:37 PM 0 comments

Mysterious special characters

The very slick Web-based FTP service YouSendIt allowed me the chance to enter a raffle for $150 if I recommended it to a friend. In the attempt, my "referral" was said to contain "special characters." (Asterisks?) In four attempts, I could not isolate these special characters and create a referral to YouSendIt's liking, as the image below illustrates (my friend's e-mail address has been mostly erased). No raffle for me.

Click on the image to view it full-size.

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 6:25 PM 1 comments

Break Room Nightmares

On LinkedIn I asked the question, "what's the worst break-room behavior you've seen?"

Here's a summary of the answers. I love hearing stories like this.

• A view of someone's ugly bare-naked feet on a counter -- please understand that it is a common area!
• Someone late at night randomly distributed chicken throughout the office in the potted plants, desk drawers, light fixtures etc.
• One of my bosses farted in the middle of a meeting multiple times and remained completely stoic. You can't make shit like this up.
• I saw a guy melt a thermal cup in the microwave and his hot coffee was pouring out of the microwave door.
• At a former employer, an idiot who was cleaning the break room mixed bleach and ammonia. The toxic gases from this mixture caused an evacuation!
• I prepared my lunch, a salad, and someone comes along and starts taking things straight out of the bowl and eating them, LOL.
• Leaving leftover greasy food on the table thinking someone else may want the leftovers and not checking back later on to clean it up. The smell of pepperoni pizza at noon is no longer pleasant at 6 PM
• People who refill their water bottles at the water cooler and stick the entire nozzle into their bottle thus exposing the rest of us to their germs and cooties.
• Some people, likely those with adult ADD, who leave items like used coffee cups on the table and forget to throw them away, take the creamer and don't put it back, and press the "brew" button on the coffee machine when the pot is still half full, thus causing coffee overflow onto the counter (and by then they are usually off to a meeting).
• At one place I worked, free pretzels and chips were offered in the break room. My consumption stopped abruptly after noticing one individual digging into the tub with his hands as if he were playing in the sand at the beach...this same individual having been regularly observed to ignore use of the hand washing facility after visiting the men's room. Lovely. And then there were the stockpilers...those who would fill up their own buckets to ensure an adequate supply for the coming week's lunches.
• Whenever we would have cake at employee functions,a senior manager would cut the cake. Great, he's pitching in that sort of thing, right? Well, he would use his (unwashed) fingers to slide each piece of the cake onto people's plates. This meant he got frosting on his fingers, and would then lick the frosting off his fingers before going on to cut and touch the next piece. I could never bring myself to eat the cake. Yuck.
• A person I used to work with brought his jar of "Colon Cleanser" to the office and stored it in a cabinet in the breakroom. He put it right next to the coffee mugs. One morning I couldn't resist, so I suggested that this was a little too much information, and maybe he could keep it in his office or even just leave it at home. He looked at me like I was crazy. Then he told me "it works really fast" so he couldn't leave it at home; it might "work" during his commute (which was only about 5-10 minutes).
• Blocking where I need to get in the break-room really bothers me and when i see people coughing all over the place like they would be in their own house. Yuck!!
• How about showing off your tattoos?
• It isn't funny, but when I worked in a large office, I'd read MY newspaper. The number of people that would walk up and just TAKE a section of my paper was incredible.

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 2:29 PM 1 comments

Avoiding abusive language in the workplace

Normally, I don't give in to forwarding stuff that must be traveling all around the Internet. But this one is just too good.

---

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 new and innovative phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

#	Try Saying This...	Instead of This...
1	I think you could use more training.	You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
2	She's an aggressive go-getter.	She's a f___ing bit__.
3	Perhaps I can work late.	And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
4	I'm certain that isn't feasible.	No f___ing way.
5	Really?	You've got to be sh___ing me!
6	Perhaps you should check with...	Tell someone who gives a sh__.
7	I wasn't involved in the project.	It's not my f___ing problem.
8	That's interesting.	What the f___?
9	I'm not sure this can be implemented.	This sh__ won't work.
10	I'll try to schedule that.	Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
11	He's not familiar with the issues.	He's got his head up his a__.
12	Excuse me, sir?	Eat sh__ and die.
13	So you weren't happy with it?	Kiss my a__.
14	I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.	F__ it, I'm on salary.
15	I don't think you understand.	Shove it up your a__.
16	I love a challenge.	This f___ing job sucks.
17	You want me to take care of that?	Who the f___ died and made you boss?
18	He's somewhat insensitive.	He's a pr_ck.

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 2:23 PM 0 comments

Blast from the past

Here's a list of similar blasts, collected from Lisa Henn, Joe Geluso, and Glen Hadley on the Rhetoric for Engineers Mailing List: Who is General Failure and why is he reading my A: drive? It's difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys. Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do. I can only please one person a day, and today's not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 1:33 PM 0 comments

"The Golden Axe" finally debuts!

So my son takes his first baby step, out of probably thousands ahead, toward becoming a filmmaker. :-) :-) :-)

Here's a note from a friend on the video:

Ah, the epic story of the golden axe; where has it been all this time? :) Was that Rob singing? He's a real Renaissance man! Seriously, though, good to see Rob acting, working with friends, etc.

Labels: diversions, education, young entrepreneurs

posted by Ron @ 11:40 PM 0 comments

"Decision Maker," in C

This concept predates the Web -- it may even give the Internet competition for age. A friend showed me a good online copy here. But here is a version of the same thing, written in Dr. Ron's sloppy C:

//
// This is a program used to debug your brain when writing code
// -- it was originally published in BASIC, but this is a C equivalent.
// The original was here: http://www.meowfishies.com/code/flowchart.f
// It could be made simpler with more functions, but I figured the
// essential structure was enough visible this way. -- RG, 08.2007
//

include

int main {

int i1, i2, i3, i4, i5;
printf ("Does the damn thing work? (enter 1 for yes, 0 for no)");
scanf ("%d", &i2);

if (i1 != 0) then {
printf ("Don't mess with it!!!");
} else {
printf ("Did you screw around with it? (enter 1 for yes, 0 for no)");
scanf ("%d", &i2);

if (i2 != 0) then {
printf ("You fricken idiot! Does anyone know? (enter 1 for yes, 0 for no)");
scanf ("%d", &i3);

if (i3 != 0) then {
printf ("You poor sod. Can you blame someone else? (enter 1 for yes, 0 for no)");
scanf ("%d", &i4);

if (i4 != 0) then { np (); } else { ys (); }

} else { ti (); np (); }

} else { hi (); np (); }

} else {
printf ("Will you be blamed for it? (enter 1 for yes, 0 for no)");
scanf ("%d", &i5);

if (i5 != 0) then {
printf ("You poor sod. Can you blame someone else? (enter 1 for yes, 0 for no)");
scanf ("%d", &i4);

if (i4 != 0) then { np (); } else { ys (); }

} else { ti (); np (); }

} else { hi (); np (); }

}
return 0;

} // end of main program

int np () { printf ("No problem! \n"); return 0; }
int ys () { printf ("You are so screwed! \n"); return 0; }
int hi () { printf ("Hide it! \n"); return 0; }
int ti () { printf ("Trash it! \n"); return 0; }

// end of functions

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 12:01 AM 0 comments

We still don't trust airlines -- here's why!

I'll make sure to post the "hotel story" when it comes in. :-)

Friend (2:12:03 AM): [...] we just got back from Hawaii on Thursday.
Friend (2:13:02 AM): Was a rough trip ... basically we didn't get to do much because we had [the baby] to take care of. But ... I was in Hawaii and wasn't at work.
Myself (2:13:32 AM): yeah, difficult off-days are better than easy work ones.
Friend (2:13:45 AM): Yep.
Friend (2:14:22 AM): Tons of stuff went wrong, starting with the fact that the plane left us at the airport on the day we were supposed to leave.
Myself (2:14:28 AM): why?
Friend (2:14:45 AM): They said we were late ... but here's the deal.
Friend (2:14:57 AM): We arrived at the airport at 6:25 am for a 7 am flight.
Friend (2:15:05 AM): Plenty of time for Hooterville Airport.
Myself (2:15:13 AM): you got one of those?
Myself (2:15:14 AM): LOL
Friend (2:15:31 AM): It's not like this is Atlanta or Cleveland or Newark. It's friggin' Hooterville.
Friend (2:16:04 AM): I'm in line to check my luggage and get our boarding passes at 6:25. There are two couples in front of me and two ticket agents.
Friend (2:16:11 AM): One of them decides to take a smoke break!!!
Myself (2:16:33 AM): they can just "decide" that?
Friend (2:16:52 AM): After he comes back in, the first couple moves on, the second couple moves forward, and we get to move to Smokey's station.
Friend (2:17:04 AM): He proceeds to chastise me for not arriving an hour early.
Friend (2:17:49 AM): Now ... this is Sunday morning, July 8. I haven't been to bed since I got up on Saturday morning because we had to get Kimberly packed and delivered to her friend's house because we took separate flights.
Myself (2:18:17 AM): hell's bells.
Friend (2:18:29 AM): So, my first instinct is to rip out his heart and show it to him before he dies ... but ... I decide to be quiet and let him chastise me because in a few hours, I'll be in Hawaii and he'll be here checking in people.
Friend (2:19:10 AM): We get to security ... I have all my stuff in order, but because of the baby, it will take a little longer than just a regular check through. Not a lot, but a little.
Friend (2:20:05 AM): We let the couple who was with us at the ticket counter go ahead of us as a courtesy. I will never do that again. They had all kinds of liquids and gels that they couldn't take, then she had to go buy a quart size bag to put stuff in that she could take.
Friend (2:20:40 AM): They get thru security, we get thru security ... they get out about a minute before we did.
Myself (2:20:36 AM): yeah, you can't be generous like that in an airport.
Friend (2:20:59 AM): We get to the gate ... and the woman says, "I just closed the gate 2 minutes ago. I paged you."
Friend (2:21:16 AM): I said, "We were in security. You knew we were here and that we are traveling with a baby."
Myself (2:21:15 AM): and you were supposed to do what, exactly?
Friend (2:21:40 AM): The plane was still at the gate. She went out and asked the Captain if he would open the door and he said no.
Friend (2:21:49 AM): The other couple made it on the plane.
Friend (2:21:58 AM): My luggage made it on the plane.
Friend (2:22:17 AM): I was and am furious.
Myself (2:22:29 AM): didja write a complaint letter yet?
Friend (2:22:58 AM): Then, they couldn't get us to Hawaii that day and we had to wait until the next day. So I lost a day of vacation, $175 on a room, and a day's rental on a car seat. The car rental company didn't charge us.
Friend (2:23:09 AM): I haven't put it on paper yet, but I've written it many times in my head.
Myself (2:23:28 AM): it always ends with, "we will never fly with you again, come hell or high water."
Friend (2:23:54 AM): But there's all kinds of stuff to go along with it. Like how I tried to get them to call someone at the Honolulu airport to get our bags when they arrived and put them in a safe place.
Friend (2:24:40 AM): You get some Hindu in India who tries to make you think she has an American name ... she kept saying, "What you do is, when you get there, you go to the baggage claim and if your bags are not there, you file a claim at that time."
Myself (2:24:54 AM): i HATE call centers.
Friend (2:25:03 AM): Four times I told her that I wanted someone from the airline to retrieve the bags, and four times this is what she said, verbatim.
Myself (2:25:09 AM): i HATE call centers.
Friend (2:25:17 AM): I finally said, "Is that the only English you know?"
Myself (2:25:17 AM): we take a job away from an American for this.
Friend (2:25:25 AM): Yep
Friend (2:26:01 AM): So I asked the people at the airport to get me the direct number to the Honolulu airport. They gave me a number. I placed 3 phone calls and got voicemail each time - left messagesl
Friend (2:26:26 AM): Finally, about 8:30 that night, I get a call from a woman who asks me how I got that number because it's for the baggage department at the Maui airport.
Myself (2:26:27 AM): nobody answers the phone at the airport? all on smoke break.
Friend (2:26:34 AM): I told her the Charleston airport people gave it to me.
Friend (2:27:11 AM): Fortunately, she had some sense and said that she had called the Hon. Airport for me and they did have our bags and had put them away for us.
Myself (2:27:28 AM): i would've threatened to put that phone number on the internet if they didn't.
Friend (2:27:36 AM): Then .... I had called ahead of time about what to do about food for Christopher.
Friend (2:28:20 AM): I asked that if I took food with me, would they then heat it up. The hindu pretenting to be american said yes - just ask the flight attendant and they will heat the food for you.
Friend (2:28:23 AM): So I packed food.
Friend (2:28:49 AM): When they served dinner, I told the flight attendant that I knew they were busy with dinner service, but when she had time, I needed her to heat up some food for the baby.
Friend (2:28:59 AM): She said, "I can't do that. We're not allowed."
Friend (2:29:19 AM): I told her about calling and asking about it, and she said she didn't know why they would tell me that.
Myself (2:29:18 AM): so she is telling you the baby will be allowed to bawl on the flight.
Friend (2:29:32 AM): She said I should have ordered a baby food meal.
Friend (2:29:54 AM): I told her, "Well, we have a problem, because he can't go 9 hours with no food."
Friend (2:30:25 AM): Finally, she said she could put it in the bun warmer for about 20 minutes and that should heat it to a proper temperature. It worked.
Friend (2:30:46 AM): So ... when I get to Hon., I call and order a baby food meal for the return flight.
Friend (2:31:20 AM): Dinner time comes, and we get ours, but no baby meal is delivered. And I had checked right up to boarding time that it was ordered and it was.
Friend (2:31:44 AM): I tell the gay flight attendant that we're supposed to have a baby meal and he says he'll check.
Friend (2:31:55 AM): This is at 5:50 pm.
Friend (2:32:26 AM): At 6:30, he comes by to tell me that he hasn't had time to check yet but he will. I am perturbed but think he's going right then to take care of it.
Friend (2:33:04 AM): At about 6:50, he comes by again and says, "I haven't had time to check for sure, but I know there's a baby meal back there. I just haven't been able to make sure it was for your baby."
Myself (2:33:17 AM): and... is there another baby on there?
Friend (2:33:46 AM): I told him that Christopher needed to eat. He said he was sorry, and that he has been taking care of other passengers. THAT TICKED ME OFF! I pointed to Christopher and said, "He's a passenger too and he needs to eat."
Friend (2:34:30 AM): Ken wanted to call the head flight attendant, but Christopher fell asleep. I told him no, because we'd have to wake him up to feed him. I wanted to wait and see exactly how long it would take to get the meal.
Friend (2:35:00 AM): At 7:35, the head flight attendant came by passing out bottled water, so I had to say something. I told her what happened. She was appauled.
Friend (2:35:09 AM): I had his meal within 2 minutes.
Friend (2:35:47 AM): They said it was confusion because we had changed seat numbers ... which we had ... but with me asking for the meal three times, we should have gotten it.
Friend (2:36:06 AM): We never saw Michael, the gay flight attendant after that. She moved him from our area.
Myself (2:36:30 AM): ooh, yer righteous anger burns hot. that is a bit of a turn-on, ya know.
Friend (2:37:01 AM): LOL - I am beyond furious with Delta.
Friend (2:37:17 AM): I'm writing directly to the CEO.
Myself (2:37:30 AM): yeah. you deserve a seat on the board for what you've put up with.
Friend (2:38:03 AM): Ron, I cannot believe they left us like that. The plane didn't even take off for another 15-20 minutes after that.
Friend (2:38:26 AM): And it was a small plane. They could have opened the door and lowered it and we could have walked up the steps and sat down.
Friend (2:39:00 AM): Yeah - if I had been there at 6 am, I'd have probably made the flight. But 6:25 was plenty of time.
Friend (2:39:17 AM): It doesn't take 10 minutes to walk to the security area and then to the gate.
Friend (2:39:53 AM): Checking in should have take 5 minutes at most, and 10 at security. There was plenty of time.
Myself (2:40:48 AM): you'd think, after hearing tens of thousands of complaints about waiting and customer service, and about the news stories on jetblue, the other airlines would've learned a few things. amazingly, they haven't learned at all.
Myself (2:41:01 AM): so history will repeat itself, for someone else, tomorrow.
Friend (2:41:06 AM): Yep
Friend (2:41:24 AM): To top it all off ... our flight from Atlanta back to Charleston was over an hour late taking off.
Myself (2:41:34 AM): do you mind if i summarize your story on my blog? no names, of course.
Friend (2:42:00 AM): Not at all. Feel free - and tell people to stay away from Delta Airlines.
Myself (2:42:04 AM): i do believe i will.
Myself (2:42:13 AM): and with that i am gonna go back to bed.
Myself (2:42:28 AM): i will sleep easier knowing you are ON THE GROUND. LOL
Friend (2:42:37 AM): I think I'm heading out too. Next time we talk, I'll fill you in on the hotel disaster. LOL
Friend (2:42:47 AM): Traveling with me is always an adventure.
Myself (2:42:47 AM): oh, my warm and fluffy lord.
Friend (2:42:57 AM): LOL
Friend (2:43:02 AM): You won't believe it. I swear.
Myself (2:44:03 AM): i appreciate this story. that you could keep your cool well enough to avoid being questioned by the FBI on the ground is nothing short of a miracle.
Friend (2:44:24 AM): You are soooo right about that.
Friend (2:44:33 AM): 20 years ago, I'd have mopped the floor with all of them.
Friend (2:44:35 AM): LOL
Myself (2:44:59 AM): well, you got the patience of a galley full of saints.
Friend (2:45:25 AM): Helps with the blood pressure. hehe

Labels: diversions, office space

posted by Ron @ 5:50 PM 0 comments

The end of Suicide Squid?

I wonder what ever happened to Suicide Squid? The invention of this character was something I originally opposed vigorously, but I was the only person on Earth who did, and I have since been brought around. It was a bright bit of lampooning, in retrospect. I think its disappearance as a viable character on the Internet says that Usenet has all but disappeared, and nothing has risen to replace it.

Nothing's been seen of the Squid since 2003. Wikipedia is outdated on the subject. Sigh.

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 9:07 PM 0 comments

Bowling for Soup rebuttal

Bowling for Soup gave us the song "Come Back to Texas." It's a major mistake. Now it's time to come back to Cleveland.

She said she needed some time
I think it was a line
Because she went to Dallas
Yeah, her name is Alice
And she worked at the bank

There's nothing wrong with Texas
Except for Bush and the dust
There's a River Walk
And to see the Spurs play is [gack!] a plus

So when you've seen all that
And when life goes to being flat
Cuyahoga County will be right here waiting for you...

[Chorus]
Come back to Cleveland
It's still God's Country though you went away
Before you get an accent
And lose out on all the Buckeye State
Columbus is just a bit down the road
And the Buckeyes are big this year
Besides there just ain't no pierogies south of here anyway

I know she made a mistake
It's just that easy to make
She went to make a deposit
Then she cleaned out her closet
But I'll sit here and wait
For her to come back home (I'd wish you come back home)
It shouldn't take very long (so long so long)
I bet she misses Lake Erie
And the Cleveland Orchestra, I can't be wrong

So when you've seen all that
And when life goes to being flat
Cuyahoga County will be right here waiting for you...

Come back to Cleveland
It's still God's Country though you went away
I bet you missed your exit
Drove accidentally toward the Lone Star State
Columbus is just a bit down the road
And the Buckeyes are big this year
Besides there just ain't no pierogies south of here anyway

Drew Carey wants you back
Grady Sizemore wants you back
NASA wants you back
And LeBron James wants you back
The Rock Hall wants you back
Emerald Necklace wants you back

I got a great big feeling
Her move's now left her reeling
And the whole state's calling her...

[repeat Chorus...]

[repeat Chorus again...]

Besides there just ain't no pierogies south of here anyway
Besides there just ain't no pierogies south of here anyway
Besides there just ain't no pierogies south of here anyway

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 8:17 PM 0 comments

New favorite quote :-)

Brian Holcombe uses this in his AIM away messages:

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
-- George Carlin

Labels: diversions, engineering

posted by Ron @ 8:13 PM 0 comments

Dr. Ron endorses...

'Nuff Said.

This notice "paid for" by the Committee for Petrelli and Linderman in 2008, Gabriel Sylar, treasurer.

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 12:25 PM 0 comments

Summary of problems with "Grindhouse"

This is a summary of the problem(s) with Grindhouse gleaned from reviewers and blogs. Some of the statements here are direct quotes, but there is a link to each original review.

Before you read these, take note that IMDB already lists Grindhouse in its top 100 movies EVER. And based on a significant number of votes. That could be a sign (to me it certainly IS) that a bad first weekend at the box office is a poor way to judge a movie's quality. This is a lesson that should not be lost on entrepreneurial filmmakers. (Which is the best way, perhaps, to describe Robert Rodriguez, who submitted himself for scientific experiments to raise money to make El Mariachi.)


This picture is something I made myself from the Grindhouse official Web site -- a nice feature. The actors are Freddy Rodriguez and Marley Shelton, from the "Planet Terror" segment.

1. [review] The directors treat their own product like an in-joke.
2. [review] At three hours and 11 minutes, it’s a bit of a slog — especially on a Tuesday morning.
3. [review] Your friends may not even know about it.
4. [review] There aren’t enough fans of obscure B-movies.
5. [review] The second half of Grindhouse ("Death Proof") slows down the whole experience, and Quentin Tarantino’s dialogue doesn't deliver enough interest to recover from the action lost.
   
   (This is the same complaint my son makes -- he hates Tarantino for it. But the same writer above also says Kurt Russell isn't so great. There I can't agree: Russell brings back memories of one of my favorite roles, Old Jack Burton.)
   
   
6. [review] Whatever Tarantino and Rodriguez’s intentions, the [films are] sadistic, filled with sex, nudity, profanity and [buckets] of blood.
   
   (Yeah, that's what they did in those exploitation flicks. I know it's a new generation, but could the writer really not have known this going in?)
   
   
7. [review] They should have opened in on fewer screens and let a buzz build, and over time release it on more screens.
8. [review] Recent films like Shaun of the Dead [...] and dozens of others have all done what Grindhouse sets out to do, which is pay respect to the past work that inspired them.

The solution is NOT

1. To split the movies apart. Especially for the DVD version -- that's where Grindhouse would make up a fair amount of its theater losses. Tarantino and most of the reviewers say (and correctly) that the movie experience is best enjoyed in the theater. But that doesn't take away the value of the movies themselves.
   
   Nevertheless, some writers say (and correctly) that Grindhouse is just too long, and the two features each could've been shortened. (Cut down the dialogue in "Death Proof" by 15 minutes and you're done with that one, with no loss of value.)
   
   
2. To give up on the genre and make cookie-cutter stuff like
   Blades of Glory or Are We Done Yet? just because it looks like that's what most of America wants. Even if most of America DOES want that, not ALL of us do.

Labels: diversions, recommendations, young entrepreneurs

posted by Ron @ 8:22 PM 0 comments

World Without a Captain America!

Here's how Marvel will handle the death of Steve (Captain America) Rogers: they'll give us four new candidates for the job.

1. A cyborg-clone Cap, kind of like the cyborg-clone Thor created by Reed Richards and Tony Stark for the super-hero Civil War.
2. A black Cap in a suit of armor -- the logical candidate for this job is Jim "Rhodey" Rhodes, who's already warn a suit of armor and joined the Avengers as "War Machine."
3. An ancient weapon, probably of Atlantean origin, wearing a Cap suit and goofy sunglasses, and maybe remote-controlled by either Nick Fury or Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner.
4. A youthful "Captain America Boy," wearing a hip version of the classic chain mail. One might consider Bucky Barnes as the logical choice, as he is currently alive and wearing the useless moniker "Winter Soldier." But alas, even the resurrected Bucky looks too old for the job.

So: have we seen this scenario before? And how long will it be before the Red Skull tosses an unstoppable super-weapon at the United States to run roughshod over these four pretenders?

You'll see: the lesson is that there is nothing new under the sun. :-) :-) :-)

And here's the Word:

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 10:54 PM 0 comments

The unbelievable Beer Launcher!

Yep, yep, I gotta get me one of them Beer Launchers. LOL This guy is said to want $1500 for one of these! The hardware makes the price not surprising, but would even beer aficionados go for it? I like the feeling of reaching down and pulling the can out of the fridge myself...

:-) for the humour-impaired.

Labels: diversions, engineering

posted by Ron @ 11:00 PM 0 comments

Doc's mythological dream

The emperor of the Qin Dynasty had a surprise visitor late one night.
It was Lord Confucius, come from the Jade Palace in Heaven.
He said, "Lord Emperor, the King of Heaven has sent me with an urgent message."
Well, the Emperor had fallen on his face in front of Lord Confucius.
Confucius said, "Do you want to hear the message or not? Get up, sluggard!"
He got up.
Confucius said, "Unless you follow my instructions exactly, the world will end tomorrow."
With fear and trembling, the Emperor said, "What must i do?"
Confucius said, "Your daughters must learn to bowl."
The Emperor said, "Right away. Wait... what?"
"They must learn to bowl.
"They must also learn to keep score.
"And they must each pick up at least one frame, or the world will end."
The Emperor said, "You're kidding, right?"
Confucius said, "Do I look like I'm kidding? I AM carrying bowling shoes for your daughters, after all!"
The daughters -- their names were Rose and Lily -- were taken to the celestial bowling alley to be taught to bowl.
"Honored Father," they said, "it smells like smoke in here!"
Confucius said, "Yes, girls, it's Open Bowling night."
The Monkey King (pictured, with a friend :-)) taught the older one, Rose, to keep score. Rose was very interested in Monkey's cudgel.
I taught Lily myself. (It WAS my dream, after all.) Lily liked the cudgel too. I wonder sometimes if they would've had better scores if they could leave the cudgel alone... until I saw Monkey could make the smoke do giant rings with it.
But Rose had a 123 and a strike in the ninth frame.
And Lily had a 117 and three spares.
The world was safe... or so we thought.
Breathing a sigh of relief, the Emperor said, "Are we safe?"
Lord Confucius said, "You have other tasks to perform. but the world will not end for tonight, at least."
I noticed the girls were keeping their bowling shoes. Then I woke up.
And I haven't been back yet.
But while I was there, they called me "Scorekeeper From Above," you know. :-)

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

-- Confucius

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 9:33 PM 0 comments

Geometry Haikus

Here's a few for your love of poetry. :-)

Author	Haiku
DW	Perpendicular When two lines hit each other There’s a right angle
RD	It’s a reflection It shows things as opposite Go get a mirror
SG	It’s proportional They gotta be similar Cross-multiply, dude! Three sixty degrees For any four-sided shape It’s a real math law!
DJ	Parallelograms Squares, rhombuses, rectangles These have four corners
TR	Vertical angles They’re across from each other They may be in proofs!
NA, JD, RD	Triangle theorems Are complicated for us They give us headaches!
LA1	Complementary Angles that equal ninety No, not one-eighty
CB2	Triangles are cool Some can be isosceles Some are congruent
CB3	Right angles are good Obtuse are even better But acute are best!
KL	I love triangles Right triangles are the best Angles rock my world!

Labels: diversions, education

posted by Ron @ 3:00 PM 0 comments

The Epic of Hurricane Fastener Safety

This just came in from engineer-poet David Young -- it's pretty cool!

Fasteners of two different materials,
Inside a tough durable like plastic,
Outside a non rusting metal shell,
Screws or nails driven in cold.

When the outer head hits the surface,
The outer part stops while inner moves
Slightly coming out the end point as
Its expands growing larger, seeding itself!

Hurricane wind braces in between walls,
Forty five degrees of horizontal plane.
Swiss cheese like holes inside its length,
Accordion to stretch, contract harmonics!

Braces set at different computer set heights,
More on those outer walls less on the inside.
Same thing done on the ceilings with extra
Shock absorbers to resist severe vibrations.

Additional safety of pressure equalizers,
Keeping the inside closer to the outside.
During severe tornadic, hurricane storms
That might release before windows crash.

They ideas are copyrighted from dreams,
Added to computer models harmonics, like
Franklin, I want to contribute something
To the American Home Sweet Home!

Labels: diversions, engineering

posted by Ron @ 2:18 PM 0 comments

One great birthday present!

My son made me a mix CD for my birthday. Best birthday present I've had in years!

• Bon Jovi, "It's My Life"
• Lillix, "What I Like About You"
• All-American Rejects (pictured), "Swing Swing"
• All-American Rejects, "Dirty Little Secrets"
• Thin Lizzy, "The Boys are Back in Town"
• Lit, "My Own Worst Enemy"
• Queen, "Flash Gordon Theme"
• John Williams, Superman score
• James Blunt, "You're Beautiful" (LOL -- we make fun of this one, my son and I)
• Journey, "Don't Stop Believin'"
• Boston, "More Than a Feeling" (this was the song they were playing when I graduated from high school -- and I love Boston because Tom Scholz is trained as a mechanical engineer, like me)
• My Chemical Romance, "Welcome to the Black Parade"
• Hmmm... this last one was an instrumental I didn't recognize. It was Green Day, "Espionage".

There are a lot of songs there that are chosen just for me. I hope you know what it's like to have someone care for you that much. :-)

Now get back to work.

Labels: diversions, office space

posted by Ron @ 11:37 PM 1 comments

The best online singles profile EVER!

I'm not gonna tell you where I got this, but it's hilarious. SOMEBODY out there knows how the singles Web sites really work. :-) :-) :-)

My Mother wrote this for me because I still live in her basement and she wants me to find someone new to take care of me so she can find a paying tenant. My last boyfriend ditched me because I got pregnant and asked for child support even though he never touched me. My sister wants me to pay back the money I owe her NOW, can you lend me a hundred dollars? I promise I will pay it back. My ex-husband left me for a younger woman so I dated his new wife's son and used my alimony to take him to a nice restaurant. When I get my period, I gain a little weight. And it's accumulative. I am running out of room, so please tell me now, do you still love me???

Labels: character, diversions

posted by Ron @ 5:46 PM 1 comments

You can link types of franchise as well as franchises :-)

SEEMINGLY MISMATCHED COUPLE FINDS LOVE TOGETHER -- FILM #784

Michelle Rodriguez is engaged to be married to Some Jerk. The two travel to some small village somewhere to have a wedding. Michelle Rodriguez is exploring the town, when all of a sudden she bumps into Hugh Grant.

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ: Hello. Me Michelle Rodriguez.

HUGH GRANT: I’m…I’m terribly sorry... I’m just... I’m... well I was just... I’m... I’m... pardon me, I’m... I’m... excuse me, I’m... I’m... I’m... I’m... I’m... I’m... I’m... I’m... I’m... I’m.

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ: GAAAAH!!! BRITISH MAN TALK SO ANNOYING!!! MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ SMASH!!!

Michelle Rodriguez beats the crap out of Hugh Grant. The two hate each other for three quarters of the film and then magically love each other. Michelle realizes that her fiancé is a total jerk.

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ: I am realizing that my fiancé is a total jerk!

Michelle plunges her hand into her betrothed’s chest and rips out his still-beating heart.

HUGH GRANT: The script says I love you, Michelle.

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ: We sex now!

Hugh Grant and Michelle Rodriguez live happily ever after. All male members of the audience dragged to see this movie have now died of self-inflicted wounds.

Labels: diversions, history

posted by Ron @ 9:34 PM 0 comments

The secret to reviving a dormant franchise

...link it with another one.

The above was created by Robert Graham for your dining and listening pleasure. :-)

Labels: diversions, history

posted by Ron @ 2:54 PM 0 comments

Another Forbes Fictional 15

The latest version of the Forbes Fictional 15 introduces us to new members such as Tony Stark, Lara Croft, and Lucius Malfoy (above), replacing such perennial entries as Lex Luthor, Ebenezer Scrooge, and Santa Claus.

I wonder how it is that Forbes can estimate these guys' incomes? I mean, does Malfoy even talk to Muggle magazines? And wasn't Stark nearly broke a couple years ago when the Avengers imploded? The lesson: wealth is fleeting; wealth is fickle. Measure yourself some other way!

PS -- :-) :-) :-)

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 9:33 PM 1 comments

One way you can tell the citizens are curious about technology

This is a history of Engineer as Hero movies, based on my reviews. As you can see, the frequency of movies spotlighting engineers and technology has skyrocketed since the early 1990s. This is an indicator to me that the movie-going public, at least, is curious about technology, and more interested in engineers than at any time since the term "engineer" was invented.

We're only a bit better than halfway through the first decade of the 2000s; at this rate by 2010 the same graph will look like it's increasing exponentially.

Why was there so little interest in this subject in the 1970s? Movies are a product of their times. American society was moving away from technology, not toward it, in the 70s.

Labels: diversions, engineering

posted by Ron @ 9:47 PM 0 comments

On saving the cheerleader

Some people think the slogan is lame, but there is no doubt that "save the cheerleader; save the world" was more of a memory jogger for Heroes that almost any other tagline in recent memory. The story arc features Hayden Panettiere's cheerleader Claire Bennet (pictured), who possesses a mutant healing factor a la Wolverine:

Wolverine is a mutant who possesses the ability to regenerate damaged or destroyed areas of his cellular structure at a rate far greater than that of an ordinary human.

...and who was saved from super telekinetic bad guy Gabriel Sylar (played by Zachary Quinto) by some of the other title characters.

The genius of a tagline is seen when people remember it. If we remember it, it serves as a cue to watch the show. It's of course analogous to a slogan from a commercial -- and some of those have more value than others. The tagline "save the cheerleader" is, right now, among the most valuable in television -- as evidenced by the People's Choice Award given to Heroes -- despite our knowledge that the cheerleader has been saved already. I guess now it's on to the world, right?

Oh yeah, here is Masi Oka's Hiro's Blog. Hiro Nakamura, who can stop time and teleport, is enough of a geek that he really should be an engineer. :-)

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 11:20 PM 0 comments

A new year's day present from Rod Serling

The Sci-Fi Network is having its usual Twilight Zone marathon for New Year's Day. But I have seen the episode "He's Alive," starring a very young Dennis Hopper, for the first time. Serling's closing narration, for which he earned a bucketload of hate mail, was as follows:

Where will he go next, this phantom from another time, this resurrected ghost of a previous nightmare - Chicago; Los Angeles; Miami, Florida; Vincennes, Indiana; Syracuse, New York? Anyplace, everyplace, where there's hate, where there's prejudice, where there's bigotry. He's alive. He's alive so long as these evils exist. Remember that when he comes to your town. Remember it when you hear his voice speaking out through others. Remember it when you hear a name called, a minority attacked, any blind, unreasoning assault on a people or any human being. He's alive because through these things we keep him alive.

Science fiction is progressive in more ways than in its handling of technology. Guess who Serling was talking about. And remember it next time "diversity training" comes up.

Labels: character, diversions

posted by Ron @ 12:04 AM 0 comments

Speaking of super-heroes...?

Normally I don't go in much for "quizzes," though they are all over the Internet and are among the things most commonly found on blogs. But as I have found a summer obsession with "Who Wants to Be a Super-Hero," here's me:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man		80%
Green Lantern		60%
Superman		60%
Hulk		60%
The Flash		50%
Supergirl		30%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.
(I like this picture better than the one the quiz provides.)
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 8:45 PM 0 comments

Who DOESN'T want to be a super hero?

I have to weigh in on the Sci Fi Channel's Who Wants to Be a Super Hero? -- the best reality TV I have seen (though admittedly I don't pay that much attention to the genre) since the first season of The Apprentice. Hosted by Stan Lee, inventor of most of the best-known and loved comic super-heroes around, the show starts off with 11 otherwise normal (?) people dressed in funky tights and boasting "powers" they... well, made up. The winner will be "immortalized" in a comic book and a Sci Fi Channel movie.

My prediction [note: it turned out to be wrong]: Fat Momma (pictured above) will be the winner. Why? She strikes me as a way for the industry to say that any of us could be a hero if we wanted to be badly enough. A single mom, carrying some extra weight, Fat Momma doesn't list among her powers the desire to give others what they most need. Nor does she boast a "super self-effacing nature." But she has those gifts anyway. I Predict [tm] that Stan Lee will recognize this, and that Fat Momma will walk away with the prize. We'll all be better for it.

Second place will be contested by Cell Phone Girl (pictured right), who lists among her powers the ability to levitate objects with "cell phone waves." Crikey, if we could use sound waves to levitate stuff in comic books, then why isn't a veteran super-hero like DC's Black Canary doing it already? LOL Cell Phone Girl has a funny name, funny outfit, and funny powers. She might be running Marvel's Great Lakes Avengers a year from now.

Also in the running for second place will be Tyveculus, who I think at least has the coolest name. But what's even more cool about the super-strong Tyveculus is his willingness to assist burn victims, asking for donations to that cause in both of his identities.

I get the impression that this show, unlike most other reality shows, is not about what you can show off on camera. It's about those characteristics that, if we had them, would make us all seem heroic in our way.

UPDATE: Well, looks like I guessed wrong on Cell Phone Girl. She just didn't have what it takes. Taken down by the dogs in four. seconds. I am still right about Tyveculus, at least, though they put the worst costume I have ever seen on that guy in the second episode. And Monkey Woman's stock has gone WAY up. She fought with the dogs for nine. minutes. They also turned Iron Enforcer into a "super villain" -- good plan. The guy has the makings of a mega heel, looking kinda like Bill Goldberg. :-)

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 1:56 PM 0 comments

Rocker Sheryl Crow invents time machine!

Rocker Sheryl Crow (pictured, holding what might well be the prototype) has invented a time machine, but instead of keeping it secret -- as the government would -- she has published a brief description of test results:

[...] every time you hear the rolling thunder
you turn around before the lightning strikes [...]

This is the only information Crow has released on what could be the find of the 21st century, leading this observer to believe the time machine either is still being tested, or only works in the presence of a thunderstorm -- which suggests a large power draw, perhaps as much as 1.21 gigawatts (Great Scott!), making it prohibitively expensive to operate.

This device also appears only able to send its user to the very near past -- within seconds -- making it somewhat less than useful on a wider scale, and creating a strong risk of such paradoxes as present-day Crow meeting ten-seconds-ago Crow. Excessive use of a machine like this could risk the unraveling of the entire continuum.

Obviously, the advantage of Crow's design is its small size, allowing its user to hide it in plain sight on a shelf among books, trophies, and tawdry bric-a-brac.

:-)

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 11:16 PM 0 comments

Storad responds!

Besides introducing me to his own Web site, "Top" Storad had this to say:

[...] I surely can't quit my day job... yet. Writing books can keep you busy, but it is the visits to schools that really keep you hopping. To date, I've visited more than 600 schools and probably have presented to almost 600,000 kids and teachers in nine different states. It's lots of fun... and energy draining. I have more respect for teachers today than I ever had. I'd love to visit schools in your area any time. Please share my web site info with any librarians, reading specialists, or literacy coaches that you know. Since January, I've visited 60 schools and libraries and talked to at least 50,000 students and teachers and parents. Still gotta find time to get this day job done. But they all mesh together. What I'm really all about is promoting science literacy, and love of reading, and literacy in general – through my books and the magazines I edit here at ASU.

I was disappointed to find on a recent visit to my local Barnes & Noble that, while they listed all of Top's titles on their computer, they didn't have a single one on their shelves. What? Is New Jersey so much of a Garden State that our people have no interest in desert life at all?

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 9:53 PM 0 comments

Storad's strategy: built on the foundation of desert life

The Barberton Herald, my hometown newspaper, wrote about children's author Conrad Storad (pictured, and whom we always knew as "Top" back in high school -- I never knew why). In the article Storad says he'll be writing children's books full-time after he retires in five years from his present job at Arizona State University, where he gathers together information on desert life and natural science from ASU researchers, and repackages the information for kids and teachers. This information is hosted at his Web site, Chain Reaction. He has what I think (from a distance, anyway) is one of the coolest jobs in the world, and when he retires from that he'll be an entrepreneur. So I asked him about it. [The answer hasn't come back yet, but when it does it'll be posted here. :-)]

What I asked him was (1) has full-time children's book-writing always been his plan? (2) will he still be as prolific after he's out of ASU and away from the direct contact with researchers he's enjoyed up to now? and (3) is that kind of expertise necessary for anyone who wants to write children's books? Stay tuned.

Labels: diversions

posted by Ron @ 7:40 PM 0 comments

Cuban's missive crisis

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was fined a couple hundred grand by the NBA for making comments on his blog about improving NBA officiating.

No doubt this fine is levied primarily as a cumulative response to Cuban's past comments, such as being unwilling to hire the NBA's head of officials "to manage a Dairy Queen."

But Cuban's blog comments seem both restrained and well-reasoned. Although what Cuban says about how "the best people should be on the job with the money products" is not true -- consider how seniority, for instance, affects the very concept -- he makes the point that NBA officiating is not coordinated with business efficiency in mind. (And considering how every other aspect of the sport is aligned with making money, why not this one?)

So the NBA doesn't want to hear from Cuban about this because... he owns a team? he has openly complained before? Or maybe it's more that they won't admit that nobody else is qualified to have a good idea on this point. Or maybe the NBA believes it's running its business so well that its poop doesn't even stink. Maybe. But something about those guys does stink, that's for sure. I think Cuban should be praised for standing up against it.

Labels: character, diversions

posted by Ron @ 11:36 PM 1 comments

I hate this crap, so you oughta hate it too!

Entertainment

• popular songs remixed to have a disco beat (man, you can't dance to Coldplay, pictured)
• radio announcers who say stupid things instead of just playing the music (why isn't the music the most important part any more?)
• sports-talk hosts who froth at the mouth
• legions of unimaginative people trying to knock off anything that works (e.g. reality shows)
• idiots being worshipped by the public (e.g. Paris Hilton)
• great shows that go about two minutes between commercials (e.g. "24")
• great shows that only air once, so if you miss it you're screwed (e.g. "Gray'