Unfortunately, nobody escapes from workplace conflict. I have gore stories to tell from conflicts I've been in, and nearly everyone faces the same trials at one point or another. Two co-workers misunderstand each other, and instead of seeking clarification they raise their voices, and everything goes downhill from there.

Here are typical sources of workplace conflict:

• Priorities. Usually between a regular employee and line or project management, two parties don't share the same understanding of which tasks should be done in which order. This also includes:
  • differences in priority or style
  • perceived interference in work
  • unclear or inconsistent decision-making authority
  • unclear or inconsistent reasoning behind decisions or policy
• Performance. A regular employee finds out about performance problems through a negative formal evaluation, or even a layoff, and is not given a chance for correction.
• Principles. Two employees can find ample cause for conflict in discussions of politics (even office politics), religion, and ethics. Once the conflict begins, it's probably too late to think of "diversity" and "tolerance."
• Confidentiality. Somebody talks about somebody else behind that somebody else's back, and it comes out in the open. Or, trying to know without needing to know.
• Context. Especially, failure to see or understand events and conversations in context.
• Criticism. Criticism is often not welcome under the best of circumstances, but it is especially prone to being given or received in anger.
• Extracurricular activities. Watch out for sports leagues and romantic relationships. They can make work fun while all is going well, but they can make work a living hell when they're not.
• Money. Especially when you loan it, borrow it, sell or buy. :-)
• Offensive surroundings. This typically happens in sexual harassment situations, but you may find it in any perceived deviation from some standard of behavior. ("Why do I do this while they get to do that?")
• Access to resources. "I need to use the copy machine!"

It's possible to get angry without causing your own work (and everyone else's) to suffer. But it's difficult. I can only say that you must try not to make an enemy through your arguments.

Results of conflict include

• poor morale
• poor motivation
• low productivity
• ill will/anger
• avoidance of direct negotiation (e.g. via manipulation, sabotage, insults, irritability, sulking, and/or denial)
• more conflict

Kathy Simmons of Canada Life Assurance Company lists four personality types and their approaches to workplace conflict -- she argues that if you know in advance how you handle conflict, you can plan ahead or even train to deal with it.

1. Avoidance. You avoid conflict at all costs, but may resent others in secret. Consider assertiveness training.
2. Analyzing. You are calm and a good listener, but may give in to keep the peace. Work on clearly communicating your feelings.
3. Assertive. You are skilled at negotiation and look at conflict as a challenge. Work on improving your listening skills.
4. Aggressive. You like to have the upper hand. You tend to overwhelm quieter individuals. Work on softening your approach and listening to others.

If you are ever (un)fortunate enough to have to intervene in a workplace conflict, here are steps to take:

1. Get the warring parties under control -- quickly. (It may be necessary to be stern and apply rules.)
2. Get each party's point of view, one at a time.
3. Facilitate an action plan between the parties.
   • Call a formal meeting. Schedule date, time, room.
   • Show the warring parties no sympathy. Assign no blame.
   • Ask no leading or "yes/no" questions.
   • Address one problem at a time, the most immediate or serious first.
   • Get specific answers and sum them up often.
   • Accept any steps toward resolution, however small.
   • Put plans in writing; get parties to sign off. The formality of this process makes them take it seriously.
4. Bring in the police if there is a threat of violence. Don't play hero.
5. Use the written agreement to control future conflict.
   • Control behavior.
   • Eliminate situations and environmental influences that can lead to conflict.
   • Use incentives that benefit the entire group. Peer mediation resulting from incentives can be effective.

Anger

People can become uncomfortable in the presence of anger. This short-circuits the responses of anyone surrounding a conflict, and might hinder contributed solutions as others around the angry people "flee." Anger has also cost people jobs and opportunities, because who wants to work alongside an angry person?

Anger is an expression of passion; so is apathy. Even though some things are broken by anger, some broken things can't be fixed without passion. So can you channel passion in a direction that fixes rather than breaks?

• Injustice: passion is needed to fix unjust systems.
• Enemies: we can destroy our enemies by making them our friends. What's the chance that our enemies are just the result of an unjust system?

References

Potter, B. From Conflict to Cooperation. Berkeley: Ronin Publishing, 1996. ISBN 0-914-17179-8

1. Maintain a log of "cause and effect." When something happens that irritates you, rather than letting yourself simmer over it, write it down. Write down the event (cause) and your feelings about it (effect). Allow yourself to "talk it through."
2. Talk to someone about what's made you angry, preferably outside of the workplace.
3. Do not respond on the spot to the event that made you angry. You'd be better off not to respond in the workplace at all.
4. Commit to take action based on what you've written in your log. Remember that you only have control over yourself.
5. If you confront a co-worker over a conflict, be non-judgmental. Name-calling or blame-throwing will not help you. Apologize if necessary; offer to work the issue through.
6. If you have to correct a subordinate, do it right away. Don't let something that's wrong stay wrong.
7. Remember that all sides in a conflict are based on assumptions. Try to figure out where the assumptions come from.
8. Remember that most arguments have more than two sides. Never assume it's "us v. them."
9. Remember that you might not know everything, and keep an open mind. What if you really are wrong?
10. Remember that the person who disagrees with you is a person!

    On the Internet, your emotions are difficult to capture. The Usenet community developed the emoticon, or smiley, as an attempt to communicate emotions in 2-D. But smileys are at best blunt instruments for this, and more often than not aren't used at all. The facial expressions, posture, and changes in voice tone associated with humor and sarcasm aren't there on your computer screen, and that (combined with a world that's unprepared for dealing with conflict) is how "flame wars" start.

11. Remember that conflict may not present itself in one-on-one situations, where you can seek clarification immediately. In public places there are hecklers; in the media there are letters to the editor; on the Internet there are trolls and spelling flames. :-)
12. Remember that criticism of a point you make may not be intended personally, though you may feel otherwise.
13. When a conflict arises, ask yourself
    • Is your argument worth a falling out with someone?
    • Is the conflict the result of your argument or the way you present it?
14. Before you assume complete disagreement,
    • Ask for clarification on stated points.
    • Try to restate points in your own words.
    • Seek the truth.
15. Before you get angry,
    • Remember that anger may make others uncomfortable. Good ideas can be lost if you scare others away.
    • Anger has cost people jobs and opportunities. Who wants to work with an angry person?