Others Criticizing You

If you work hard, it may be difficult to accept criticism of your work or work habits as being something other than personal. Nevertheless, it's important that we do the best we can not to take it personally. If we take it personally, we run the risk of *making* it personal by

• becoming grumpy
• pointing fingers
• undermining the work or reputations of others
• allowing hurt feelings to bollix up our eating, exercise or sleep habits

The following list may be small comfort when you are criticized, but it's what we have to work with.

1. The speaker may not be able to communicate a criticism in a way that doesn't hurt.
2. The speaker may not be the source of the criticism. It may come from someone else, and the speaker is shielding the other person from potential conflict.
3. You may be able to work out an arrangement that gets you an "attaboy" once the criticized behavior is amended.
4. It's better to know how to improve than to have others secretly disrespect you.

You Criticizing Others

The success of criticism depends on preventing defense mechanisms from going up. If you follow these steps you increase your chances of having your criticism taken seriously:

1. State your criticism in such a way as to allow hearers to judge its validity.
2. Accompany illustrations and examples with all available data.
3. Realize that criticisms have logically-implied consequences that may change more than the criticized behavior.
4. If there's a conflict, depersonalize it! Don't avoid it, but don't get personal!