To what extent is it safe for me to draw self-esteem from my work?

While it might seem terrific to have someone else solve your problems for you, in fact you lose something important. You lose the pride of being responsible. You miss out on the victory of solving the problem.
-- Byham and Cox, Heroz

I boost my self-esteem when I think something I've done is good, according to my insight and effort, not because someone else said so. It's personal evaluation on a (possibly) painful level. Have you exceeded your personal limits or tested someone else's limits?

There must be SOMETHING about life, something outside of your influence, that's worth living for. So what is it?

• Is it "what happens next?" Not likely. Dependence on coming events makes us more vulnerable than we already are. If we look forward to one event and then another, expecting those events to fulfill us, then when one event goes wrong we lose our footing.
• Is it through self-denial? Not if what we deny ourselves is replaced by some other indulgence. Not if we force everyone around us to suffer with us. Life isn't made worth living just by our recognizing "it could be worse."
• Is it "making something of myself?" Have you made yourself happy or fulfilled that way before?

Where to find reasons for feeling positive:

• individuality
• value system
• connection with others
• goals accomplished
• risks taken (without casualties)
• positive feedback
• food, clothing, and shelter
• money, health, and security
• negative events placed in context

Strong sellers believe in themselves completely. Their strong self-esteem enables them to maintain enthusiasm and smooth over rejection.

If your sources of self-esteem dry up (for whatever reason - a failure, an abusive supervisor, disagreeable co- workers, an unfamiliar task, etc.) then your productivity may dry up as well. A sudden failure or stumbling block can impact a professional's entire life, until a new source of esteem is found.

Some people, on the other hand, come with a strong sense of self-esteem already built in, and can shake off the ill effects. The danger is in depending too heavily on work to encourage you.

One reader says, "I take great pride in being an engineer because to me it is more a philosophy of life than a profession." That thinking transcends an individual job.

If you draw encouragement from different interests, then if one area isn't going so well, it doesn't completely derail you. The fraction of your self-esteem that should come from each area would depend on how strongly interested you are in each.

What is it about work that enhances the self-esteem of the professional?

Honing your craft, your talents and making it stand up to the current standards set by your profession or redefining your perception/evaluation of those standards.

If your job is something that not just anyone can do, you can feel some pride swell up just from being among the chosen few. :-)

Some of us believe we are making the world better. Some of us enjoy the way our abilities fit our duties. And some of us really take occasional kind words to heart.

To what extent am I responsible for the self-esteem of my co-workers, teammates, etc?

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
-- Matthew 12: 34, King James Version

If I'm feeling negative, it's going to come out. And I won't necessarily complain about myself, either. On the other hand, if I'm feeling positive...

If you want folks to be creative and work hard, don't ever make them feel like losers. If they make a mistake (because mistakes are learning experiences!), celebrate the attempt and the personal vulnerability it takes to own up to a mistake. Never yell at co-workers, it stifles everything. Listen to them and learn from them, and know that that inspiration can come from places you usually overlook.

What brings a team together more effectively than respect for each others' abilities and contributions to the group? This "interactive respect" is a foundation for the preservation and enhancement of self-esteem. The team evolves until the team itself has a collective self-esteem that is reflected and amplified by the individual members. When team leaders do not respect their teammates, they can have either a performance predicated on fear and uncertainty, or a performance founded in dislike and disharmony - either is worse than performance founded on mutual respect.

Is your co-workers' self-esteem a burden? If you point out something encouraging to co-worker, you've done a good deed for the day. People generally want to do a good job, and positive comments can reinforce that.

How do I fulfill the responsibility I have?

Respect the folks you work with and cultivate a mutual understanding of the importance of any project you're working on. Above all, trust the folks you've hired. An atmosphere of innovation and excitement gets everyone's juices going and makes creation an exciting thing.

Maintain self-esteem by: listening, asking for help
Enhance self-esteem by: responding with empathy, encouraging involvement

Do we hold our colleagues in high enough regard that we can name their strengths? It's a habit to get into!

Why Don't we Listen?

Goodier writes in his online newsletter of a research organization that asked several thousand people, "What are the most serious faults of executives in dealing with their associates and subordinates?" Those who took the survey were allowed to make multiple choices. Here are the results: