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Lately,
it seems no matter where you look-the Internet, newsstands, or television-American
culture has become obsessed with celebrity gossip. I find it difficult to read
my e-mail in the morning without my MSN Homepage telling me what third-world nation
gave "Brangelina" its newest baby/fashion accessory. Celebrities are to America
what the royal family is to Britain. No matter where we are or what we're doing
throughout the day, it seems that it is every U.S. citizen's patriotic duty to
check on the status of Nick and Jessica's divorce settlement.
Celebrity gossip is mindless filler. I invite you to take a quick scan around
your local Wawa and examine the plethora of gossip rags that lay before you: Star,
The National Enquirer, US Weekly, Life & Style, OK!. The list goes on and on.
Is it just me, or do all the tabloids get together weekly for a celebrity gossip
summit and all decide to print the same headlines?
Another characteristic of celebrity gossip magazines is their constant contradictions
of their own headlines. One week the cover of US Weekly declares "Angelina Tells
Brad: 'The Wedding is Off!'" Miraculously, a week later, the same magazine announces
"With Baby on the Way, Brad and Angie's Wedding is On!" It's ridiculous, it's
stupid, and it panders to the most common human inclination: to be more interested
in other people's lives than your own.
2005 was a banner year for celebrity gossip. Here's a brief recap of the top stories
for those of you who missed it: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' couch-jumping saga
ruled the summer months. Angelina Jolie adopted an Ethiopian baby girl and later
got pregnant with Brad Pitt's baby. Jennifer Aniston started dating Vince Vaughn
and later shacked up with him. Ben Affleck recovered from the "Bennifer" fallout
and got married to Jennifer Garner, thus creating a second "Bennifer" phenomenon.
Denise Richards separated from Charlie Sheen while pregnant with their second
baby, reconciled briefly, then filed for divorce. Britney Spears gave birth to
a baby boy and continues to define what it truly means to be white trash. Gwyneth
Paltrow became pregnant with her second baby, automatically sparking debate as
to what produce her latest child will be named after. Lindsay Lohan admitted to
Vanity Fair that she struggled with bulimia and experimented with drugs, then
denied she ever said anything of the sort. Nick and Jessica kept us on an emotional
rollercoaster all year long, proclaiming that their relationship was fine, but
ultimately filing for divorce in November. Finally, Jennifer Lopez managed to
stay married to the same man for the entire year of 2005-a miracle for us gossip-followers.
The first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem. I'll admit it:
I have a heroin-like addiction to celebrity gossip. When I'm reading for my finance
class, sometimes I have a nagging feeling that I'm missing out on a vital piece
of Britney Spears news. This nagging sensation does not stop until I have logged
onto E! Online and made sure that Britney hasn't thrown Kevin Federline out of
the house or repossessed his Porsche. There have been several occasions where
I've been reading about the details of Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas'
prenup, instead of practicing my confidence intervals for my Econ Stat test.
I
used to be much more interested in celebrity gossip than I am now. The problem
is that the American media has started meeting the overwhelming demand for Hollywood
gossip. The resulting phenomenon is the proliferation of entertainment news shows,
VH1 countdowns, E! specials, and dozens and dozens of gossip magazines. As bad
an addict as I am, I'm now becoming nauseated with the amount of news coverage
celebrities and their personal lives get. More people know the name of Britney
Spears' husband than the name of our country's current national security advisor.
Another effect of the demand for Hollywood gossip is the increased pressure the
paparazzi place on celebrities. Celebrities claim to be followed, harassed, chased
and threatened by overly-aggressive photographers. Reese Witherspoon sued a photographer
who shoved several children out of the way in order to get a shot of her vacationing
with her family at Disneyland. Many people believe that Princess Diana's fatal
car crash was caused by aggressive paparazzi.
While I agree that, in some cases, the paparazzi can get out of hand, many attention-seeking
celebrities use them as a scapegoat. For example, when Britney Spears needed some
publicity following her breakup with Justin Timberlake, she attended the premiere
of The Recruit with Colin Farrell and tabloid frenzy ensued. Recently, Britney
claimed the reason she was caught carrying her son on her lap while driving (when
he should have been secured in a car seat), was because she panicked when the
paparazzi began to swarm her. The way I see it, there are many celebrities, like
Spears, who have come to rely more on their public relations firm than their talent.
They invite the paparazzi into their lives when they want publicity, then denounce
the photographers who take their picture when they're coming out of Starbucks.
It is complete and total hypocrisy.
If you don't believe me, look at it this way: when is the last time you heard
a vicious tabloid rumor about Keira Knightley or Heath Ledger? You probably haven't
heard a rumor about them more recently than you've heard a rumor about Jennifer
Lopez or Paris Hilton. It's simple: the celebrities who live a lower-profile life
aren't chased by paparazzi. Yet, in American culture, we reward the celebrities
who are the most attention-seeking, the least-talented, and who live their lives
like it's a three-ring circus. You probably can't remember who won Best Actress
at the Academy Award two years ago, but you probably know the exact reason why
Nicole Richie and D.J. AM broke up.
If you're a recovering celebrity-gossip addict like me, don't worry-there's hope.
There's a way you can avoid becoming disgusted with the media and yourself. All
you have to do is step away from the magazine, change the channel, and turn off
your computer monitor. Remember, just because Angelina Jolie adopted her 867th
child doesn't mean you have to care.